


NaegNaeg Goes Two Evul Anime Skool

by WitchofVoid



Series: da killenge skool life [1]
Category: Dangan Ronpa
Genre: High School Musical References, I AM SORRY, Multi, peopl get murder, sexy sex, what the hell is this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-09
Updated: 2017-11-02
Packaged: 2018-04-08 10:17:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 6,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4300965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WitchofVoid/pseuds/WitchofVoid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nagi-kun gets picked two go too a vryy speshul school for super duper ppl but wtf a bear tries 2 get them 2 kill each other. Will NaegNaeg be able 2 survive da skool and meet da love of his life or will he be murder? </p><p>Welcome to da killenge skool life</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. da beginng

Nagi-kun was standing outside the doors of Hops Peak Academy. (srry I cant spell da japanese name becuz i dont speak japan) It was a speshul scool for people wit super duper talents n shit. Nagi rlly loved dis school but wow he has no fuking talent. but he got a lottary ticket or sumting so he is lucky even tho he fails shit at life. 

Nagi opened da door and wow everything went all black and trippy but Nagi didnt remember doing any drugs. He fell asleep and wen Nage-kun woke up he was in a class room. “What the fuck,” sed Nagi. He read a note he found on na desk but he couldnt read it becuz it was in japanese. He relized that dere was steal on the windows but didn;’t rlly care because he wanted too go too da gym because he wants to do sum bench press. 

Naegy went two da gym but wat the fuk it wasnt even dat kind of gim. It was a skool gym. “Well dis fucken sucks,” sed Nagi, but den he realized that there was a bunch of random people there like wtf.


	2. Intrductoins part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nagi meets sum peeps

“Oh hai” said mazno. She was like japnese hannah montana or someting but she was totes a prep. Her vois was so high dat it broke da sound barrier. “r u neag-kun?”

“why yes maiznono I am-” but he got interoopted by the angru shout guy. He had really sharp spikey black hair n a white uniform dat show off his firm buttock. His eyebrows flew away goodbye sweet prince. “OMFG NAGI MAKTO Y ARE U L8!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?” he sed punchily. “chek ur fucken privleg,” said naegnaeg.

“Like o em gee u guys you need to be quiet I just did my fucking nails” said the girl with tha blonde pigtails who is totally not going to be revlant in dis at all. 

“why dunt u all stfu,” celesti said goffikally. She was wearing a black corset wit lacy things on tha top and red laces. She was wearing a black leather miniskirt wit a pentagram design on tha bottom. She had on black ripped fishnets and pointy black boots dat also had red laces. She had on black lipstick and white foundation, and so much eyeliner dat is was running down her face. Her nails were pointy and black wit red pentagrams on dem and she had a skull earings and choker. Her hair was really curly wit red tips nd she had red contacts.

“Like eyyyy u guys we dont even know eachother proper y dont we do introductions mon,” said the boy who’s hair looked leik a pot leaf. “u r hi as a kight,” naeg-kun said. Stoner dude laffed and sad “yeah lool 420 blaze it” nagi sighed in a depressed way because he was surrounded by preps an idiots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More intordictions next chapter


	3. intordictons part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naggle meats moar ppl

“u-u-um, I’ll introdoos myself first” sed a girl aftar stoner dud left to go smock a jont. She had eyes n light brown hair n was so cute dat Nagi grabbed her and stairted making out wit her. Every1 else staired but dey didnt give a fuck because those peepols were praps. Nagi was about 2 ask why he taught she had a boenhr, but den sombody else introduicted themselves.

“hai my donuts names swimmy asahna an...donuts donuts donuts? DONATS!?” sed teh tanned gril wit her hair in a swirly thing that looked liek an actula shit. Niggle culdnt pay attenton becuz he was stairing at her huge donuts. (her boob donuts) 

“My name is Biyakooya Togameme. Money money holla get dollar cash cash money in my pocket. make it rane on deez biches.” Nagi stared. He was so hot. He had eyes da color of light blue topaz and golden honey mustard hare. Nagi slowly fondeled his fais. It was like yaoi at first site. “My name is Beyookuya Togameme.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a serios story plz believ


	4. Intrducktins part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> how many fckin people go to this scool

“U already said that,” said teh mysteris purple hiared gurl. “naeg, togameme is a douche an you should not with the thing. Evar. Also, I was born wit mute. Thats why i need these gloves.” Nagi sed goodbye bitch in american sin language. She understnand.

A rlly creepy fat guy snooked up on Naegi and whispered into his earlobe “do u like hentai master Nagi.” Nagi scremed and ran away becuz his hare was pointy point and Nagi’s mommy told him to stay away from sharp objects.

he runned into a really big dude with white hair and blue eyes and was scared. “oh shit Im sorry man.” the big guy snarled viciously and lifted her skirty to reval her MUSCULAR WOMAN TACO. “i am a girl u bastard.” Nagi ran away again b/c his mommy wood have smacked him for mistaking a gal for a duud. Sakroo sighed and pooled a t-cup from her pantsu.


	5. Introdcutsn part 4

Nagi met som dud with corn hair. He had wiskers drawn on his faes wit a sharpie n a clippon tigar tail. “I’m rlly stronk becuz im a tiger furry lol yiff yiff!” sed Mondoon. “nobody giv a fuk” said Naegnaeg. Moondo creyed and decided 2 log on 2 his furaffinity account so dat he culd find hot pics of tony the tigar. 

Naggle smelled sometin dat stank liek axe boody spray and fukboy. He had hair da collar of fuckin karrots n a beerd. “hey wanna play the twenty questions game ;)” sed Leyon Kuwater, fiddlin wit his snapback. “uhhh no thnks”, sed Nagi, “I was gonna go uhhh...meet somebooty else.” Leon creeped closer wit his adidas sandels. “haha das pretty cool but wat would u do if i was there ;)” Nagi scremed and crabwaked away becuz he was scare. 

“...you probly wouldnt care aboot what my naem is, but im fuckawa tewko. i write qality ghey fan fiction wich is totally abov all of u plebs.” she smelled liek a hamster. “its danny phantom slash but u woldnt understnand it. Add me on tumblr also i am not a cereal krill.” Nagi decided to leaf becuz he decided dat she was problematic. 

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS?” sed a rlly weird ass vois. it was…………………..…………………..…………………..…………………..…………………..…………………..…………………..…………………..…………………..…………………..…………………..…………………..…………………..…………………..…………………..…………………..…………………..…………………..…………………..…………………..Monokuma!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow da introductions r over da real deal startss


	6. Da killenge game

“sup bitches,” sed Monknuma sensual. 

“what the actual fuk,” sed Naggle, nawing his arm. “who the fuc are u?”

“who the fuc r u?”

“I asked u first” 

“I asced u secund.”

Mundo looked liek he wanted to yiff yiff dat fluffy ass.

“My name is Broccoli Togameme.”

“ok ya no wat im not gonna play these fuckin games,” sed Monokma. “im just gonna tell y’all why u here because i dont got time for dis shit.”

“culd u repeat that,” sed Kirigrey mysteriosly. “I was born wit deaf. That’s why i wear these gloves.”

“I dont give a fuk,” monokuma scremed. “anyway, i got rlly fuckin bored the other day becuz jaquan didnt answer my texts so i decided 2 have a killing game. Ur trapped in hur blabfjakdfak go kill each other im gonna go check my instagram.”

“what about the swimmy donuts!?!?!” sed swimmy Asahna. 

“we have dose,” sed Monokma.

Swimmy Asahna went off to find da donuts. Monokma cheked his followar count on insatgram and kept wating for jaquan 2 text him. Every1 else left 2 go explor n have free tiem.


	7. free tim part 1

Later on in da evening, Nagi was masticating in his room. Monokuma watched from da cameras becuz he is a perv and Yamada was hidin under da bed but Nagi didnt care becuz dere is nothing else 2 do in dis fucking school. Cheerio waked into da room.

“oh i-im srry Nagi-senpai i didn’t no u were in here,” sed Churro, playin wit da frilly lace of her maid outfit. 

“I’m no weatherman, but u can expect a few inches tonite ;)”

Meanwhile, Celes was decidong what to wear. She put on a floor length ripped black leather dress wit hot pink laces on da corset dat showed off her cleaveland. She put on ripped black stockings dat ended at her thigh n pointy black high heels wit skulls on dem. She had pointy black nails dat said satan on each hand in hot pink. She put on white foundation and tons of eyeliner n purple lipstick. She painted purple streaks in her hair wit ice blue at da tips. Den she put on a marilyn manson necklais (if u dont no who dat is den u r a prep)

She left hur room to go two the cafeteriah. she passed by Moondo as he yiffed wit a shakeweight VIOLENTLY. she prayed 2 satin for him.

Sayak sighed. She missed her bff’s, Oliver and Lily. She even missed her broter, Jackson. She taught about how if they were a movie, naegnaeg would be da right guy. She said hi to Nagi as he limped out of his room.


	8. free tem part 2

Swimmy Asahna moned, rubbin her sprinkled donats up aganst da wall. Da pink frostink smared on her cleveland. Leyon Kuwater breethed hevily from behind da washin machine, mountain dew went drip drip down his chin. He wiped da mountan dew from his face wit a dorit, then ate da dorite. It tasted liek axe.

Meanwhile, Fuckwa was writeng her fanfiction too put on her fanfiction.net accont. She was riting a rlly steamy scene wit Dandan and Tuck. She red her comments n started to crey wen someboody told her two use spellcheck. Genocide Shoe don’t give a fuk becuz fanfic is for preps.

Broccli Togameme watched from behin da boockcase, his leafy fronds forled n suspicious. He new dat dere was someting rong wit Fuckawa. Shoe laffed, her froot rollup swinging.violent. Meanwill, Ishimaroo looked 4 his eyebrow.

The Sak did like tin benchpress wit Junky n Kirigrey, who needs two wear gloves because she was born wit blind. Sakru did so much benchpress dat she decided 2 benchpress herself. Sakru floated away goodbye sweet prince. Hagakrey watched in erotic confusion while he got sum dank fumes from a bong. Junky came over becuz she wanted sum bong.

“dan junky your bobbies.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things r gonna get spicey


	9. Da motif

“ok kiddos ur probably wondering why i called everybooty down here,” said Monokma, twerkin tastefully on da podum. “Jaquan didnt like my selfies n i lost two instagram followers so im bored af.”

“why da fukkety-fuk shouldd we care?” Sakru said from da ceiling, still doing benchpress.

“well none of u are murder yet, so clearly u all need sum motivate.” Monkuma pulled out a dorite. “lmao if you do the stabby-stab u get this. Now get da fuk out mah gym!”

Leon raised his orange-staned hand. “do u still geet da dorite for murdering somebooty in da bedroom? ;)”

“WHAT DID I JUST SAY YOU WORTHLESS MICROWAVED PIECE OF SOAP!!!1!” (AN: Monokma is in caracter he had a hedache dat is not OOC)

Naggle was scare. What if someone really wanted dat dorite? Kirigrey passed by misteriosly, wearing da gloves dat she needs because she was born wit mute. 

“Monokma left us some DVD’s. I was hoping dat it was Finding Nemo, but they had no lable,” Kirigrey told dem.

“I HAVE A CRUSH ON EVERY BOY!” yELLED Junky, who is not the mastermind.

Everybody went to da movie room to watch Monokma’s DVD’s, but they were all videos of Monokma booty clapping. they were an hour long, but errybody watched anyway, becuz there is nothing 2 do in dis fucken school.

Well, Naegnaeg thought, notin 2 do but Cheerio. 

And Togameme.

Sometims.


	10. Da room swappy

Niggle was scare. He was thinking about da cheesy nacho dorite. He wondered who culd possibly want the sensual triangle. He tought about Leonaldo’s stained orange hands but couldnt think of a saucespect. 

All of a sudsden dere was a knock on da door. Nagi stopped doing benchpress 2 opened the door. It was…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...Maiznono!

“Oh hai neag-kun,” sed Sayaku, fiddling wit da fabric of her hilary duff shirt. Nagi culdnt belieb what a prep she was. “I half to ask u a flavor because i kno you are a true friend who owns my heart wherever i go and ill always remember you. wrecking ball hoedown throwdown the climb party in the usa.”

“it’s like 3 the fuck in the morning so this better b pretty imported.”

“u see naeg-kun, i wanted 2 kno if you wanted 2 swap rooms wit me. I am scred about da dorite and i dont feel saef in my own room.”

“first of all, binch,” sed Naggle, “why in the fuck would you think my room is more secure than yours? Your room has a worken fucken lock on da bathroom like I gotta worry about Monokma watching me take a piss in tha sink at nite like bitch ass hoe u dont know how to use a lock? dis better not be an attehmpt to seduct me because i already got the dikk from two people and i dont need no side hoes. I dont need dis shit when im trying to masticate like gtfo! bitch ass i stg.”

“Dere are noods in my nightstand.”

Nagi was v upset because Maiznono lied about da noods and he was in da moods. He had nothing to masticate wit becuz he left his golden swod in his own room. He even forgot his coppies of breaking bad.

“well dis fucken sucks.”

“did somebooty say succ?”, yamaeda breethed heavily from under da bed.

Naggle scremed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow srry about da hiatus u guys sum new upd8s will b here soon i promist


	11. da murdre

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning dis chapter is like rlly scary

Nagi went to da caftereria in da morning to meet up with da group. Errybooty was doing da usual routin. The Sak was still on da ceiling, doin some warm up karat. Hagakrey listnened to wiz khalifa. Swimmy Asahna was trying too fit donats into her eye holes. Ishimaroo and Cornhair were doin some gay shit i dont fuckin know. Cheerio was eating a banana sexual intercoursingly whie playing mind sweeper. Leonaldo was tryin two get nacho chez off of his name tag. 

“im so fucking bored,” sed Celery, rolleng her eyes so hard dat Nagi culd see her red-whites. She was wearing a Hot Topic lacey corsett skirt wit a black good charlotte t-shirt dat had all of da lyrics to i just wanna live on it. She was wearing spikey high heels wit ripped bloody red fishnet stockings. She had on black lipsik wit tons of eyeliner and foundation, n blood red tears goin down her fais. She was wearing a necklais dat said i heart satan on it. 

“wanna play the twenty quesitons game sweaty ;)” sed Leonaldo DiKuwater. Celes scremed so loud dat all of da windows shattered. 

meanwhile, Togameme entered da room, fascinately late as usual. He was aboot to get brakefast when he saw a apple on da table. Togameme graspesed n ran away, shedding a single tier.

“what da fuck was dat about,” said Junk, powdering her boops. 

“y do we give a fuck?” sed Fuckawa, checking her privileg. 

“speaking of tings we dont give a fuk about, where da hell is Maiznono?” Niggle askesed, even though he doesnt rlly care becuz she a prep bich. 

“y dont u go look for her,” sed Kirigrey. “I cant go becuz I am too busy wit my gloves, wich I need becuz i was born wit asthma.”

“Oooohh my god, u guys are all fuckin posers,” sed Nagi, but he decided 2 go anyway because he wants his room and breaking bad dvds back.

Naggle followed da dorite stains down da hallway until he got to his room, opening da unlocked door. Dere was dorito stanes all over da room, n it smelled liek axe and monster. Nobody was here.

“Sayak motherfuk where are u,” Naggle called, but dere was no answer…

Nagi found sum adidas sandal feetprints on da ground, leading to da bathroom. 

“Kayak dis isnt funny, i want my dvds,” Nagi slowly opened da door, and scremed wen he saw it.

She had a hilary duffle t shirt and blue hair and a hot pink mini and blue hair (kind of like Maiznono) and a knife and dere was pink shit everywhere, but it was clear dat it wasnt pepto bismol. It was …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..Maiznono!


	12. Da explanition

“oh my god i didnt actually think y’all hoes was gonna do it lmao,” said Monokma, lunging on da podum and texting jaquan.

errybody was in tha gym. Nagi was awake now, he passed the fuck out becuz he tripped on one of his breaking bad dvds. Nobody knew what da hell was goin on. errybody was too distact by Togameme’s rad brakedancing skills when da murdre happen.

“U mean to tell us. That u werent actually expectin anyone too kill each other?” sed Kirigrey, mysteriosly. “I dunt rememember anything. I has amnesia. That’s why I wear these glo-”

“Oh my god stfu!” Monokma scremed. “Yes, u guys are bigger assfuks den I thought u were, but now we can actually start tha game. Dat means i gotta explain da class trile. (i dont kno how to spel trile srry)

“Class…..trile ;)?” sed Leonaldo, winking in fear. He was trying to wipe da blood off of his snapback. 

“yes, da class trile. when one of you bitchfaces do another a murder, u have to find out who did it. But since none of u have any slothing skills, u gotta do it da oldscool way. Den errybody will sit in a circle, but we wont be playin musical chairs.”

Ishimaroo shed a single tear.

“u will discuss da envidence and errybody will vote for who dey think is da biggest ass. If u guys get it wrong, da murdrerer will get away wit da crime, and all of u sluts get da hammer, but if u guys get it right, den that murdrerer bitch is gon get it hahahaa.”

“u mean…..if we dont find da murdre...we get Fuckin’ Wrecked™? sed Cheerio, sitting in Nage-kun’s lap.

“Sucks to be u, bitches,” Monokma laughed, twerking evilly. 

“Wait just a fucken second,” sed Junk, getting mad. “What. THE FUK. Are you talking bout? We didnt talk about dis bullshit!”

“I have NOOO idea what you’re talking about sweaty :)” sed Monokma, acting diddly darn puzzled. 

“u know exactly what im talking about you bitch ass whore slut fuck! You told me that if I put on your fake ass weave and nails dat u was gonna keep me outta dis!” Junk yelled, poking Monokma and doing him a threaten.

“Dont fuk with me sweaty :)” sed Monokma, getting angrer.

Errybody backed away. Naggle passed Cheerio da popcorn.

“if u tink dat im gonna cover for ur ho ass, u wrong bitch!” Junk scremed, tackling Monokma. They went full animal planet up in this bitch.

Monokma ripped off Junk’s weave. Den Junk ripped off Monokma’s weave. Den Monokma wrecked Junk’s fake ass gucci heels. 

“DIS IS FOR WHEN YOU FUKED MY BF IN THE SEVENTH GRADE, MURKROW!” yelled Monokma. 

“THIS IS FOR WHEN U STOLE MY CAPRI SUN, JUNK! yelled Junk.

Suddenly, spear of justice played over da loud sneakers. A huge ass spear flew from da ceiling and went into Junk, spraying pepto bismol everywhere.

“Oh, would u look at that. Ive been empaled,” sed Junky, whispering mmh whatcha say as she slowly fell to tha floor.

“Talk shit get hit,” sed Monokma, laughing. “anybooty else got something to say?” 

Nagi tought about raisin his hand to tell Monokma he was a piece of shit, but didnt.

“Anyway, none of you dirty teens were dere when tha murdre took place, so u guys need info. Everybody got an iPad now. Now get da fuk out ma gym!”

As errybody left da gym, only Naggle and Kirigrey were left behind. Kirigrey went up to Nagi and whisperered into his ear hole.

“Murkrow Inksaber”

“Wrong chapter, Kirigrey”

INVESTIGOGOGOGOGOGOG


	13. Da investigoggogogogg

Everybooty stood around, staring at da dead body of Maiznono. Sakru coughed. Leonaldo drank some dew nervisley.

“...I have no idea wat in the livin fuck we’re supposed to do,” sed Nagi.

Kirigrey got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on her face. “Havent any of u seen CSI like rlly. We gotta look for queues.”

Nagi looked around da room. Dere was carrot ass looking orange hair all over da room. His braking bad dvds were covered in gross mountain dew n dikpics. Teh golden swod he used to masticate with smelt liek axe. Naggle tried to think of a saucespect, but nobody came to mind. 

Nagi decided this was fucken pointlest. Nobooty gave a fuk about Maiznono. She was such a prep. Prolly not even dead. Bich might jus be on da rag. 

Meanwhile, Kirigrey looked at da dead booty. She noticed da writing on the wall, in pepto bismol. 

“This must be a drying message,” she said. “What the hell does yobkcuf mean? I cant read it becuz i am blind.”

Nagi went to the trash room. He didnt found anything helpful, except fro one of Hagakrey’s broken bongs n Fuckawa Toucan lying on da floor, talking about how she waz trash and needed to check her follower count n Tumble. Naggle felt triggled n needed to go.

Da author didnt rlly feel like writing about da hole investigog, so Monokma called errybooty for da CLASS TRILE. (I still cant spell trile ok spelling is hard dunt jugde me)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why does this shit have over a thousand views  
> HOW DID U PPL GET INTO MY HOUSE  
> WHAT THE FU


	14. DA CLASS TRILE

“Ok errybooty, dis is da trill room,” sed Monokma. “Plz find a podum, we gotta make dis shit quick I gotta face time wit Jaquan.”

Kirigrey looked at da extra podum with suspicious. “Why is there an extra?” she asked mysterios. 

Monokma laffed. “Dat one was for phenix write, but he didnt show up so u guys are FUCKED. Anyway, I gotta explane the class trile becuz you hos cant do anything by your damn selves. U guys get to discus who you tink da murdererd is, and wen u come to a concussion you will vote. If you get da right person, everybody gets to live, and da murdererdereder gets fuked up da asshole, but if u vote for da wrong prism, den da murdreredeerdedderermderered will get away, and u guys get wreckedTM instead. We gud? Then fucken hurry up already i stg.”

“I think it waz obvious who da murdrede was,” sed Taco, who smelled liek a gopher today. “It was those damn SJW’s! They alwa-”

“Ok so like who has an actual idea,” sed Cheerio, playing Nintendogs on her ds.

“Nage was in Maiznono’s room da otter nite,” said Yamdead, breething into Celery’s ear holes.

“Can u fucking not,” sed Celery. She was wearing a lacy black bra wit a matching black skirt and black pointy boots wit pentagrams on da sides, and ripped fishnet stockings. She had on tons of eyeliner n black lipstick, wit skulls under her eyes n purple contacts. She had six skull earrings n a choker wit a matching pentagle on it.

“Ok lemme tell u about this binch Maiznono,” sed Nagi, feeling da salt. “She wanted to trade rooms wit me because she cant put fucken locks on her doors and I told her to gtfo but I ended up in her room anyway and Yamda and billy ray were in dere and it sucked ass.”

“Maybe she had another raisin for trading rooms,” sed Kirigrey, who was only paying half attenton becuz she was watching 48 hours on her ipad. 

Broccoli Togameme was think. “Maybe she wanted 2 frame Naggle, who I have never had intercurse with ever at all in da boys locker room.”

Swimmy Neutron gaspsed. “But dat means…”

“She wanted to krill someone,” the Sak finished, from da ceiling.

“But she ended up getting murdered, and not in the bedroom ;)” said Leonaldo. “So her plan didn’t wok.” 

‘Maybe the person she learned ended up killing her instead,” sed Nagi, who has to do fucking everything around here.

“But who?” sed Mondoon, who the author forgets to write for. 

“I have an idear,” sed Kirigrey, “because I found da note by Maiznono.” 

Kirigrey passed da note around for everyone to see.

“Hey there studmuffin, if you show me the studs in your muffin I’ll give you da best of both worlds ;)” sed Naggle, reading it alood. What the actual fuk.

Ishimaru gaped. “Da culprit must be………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...Leonaldo!”

“Hey, woah guys like thats jumping to a concluse,” sed Leonaldo, palms sweaty knees weak and arms are heavy, but on the outside he looks calm spaghetti. 

“The studs in his muffin must refer to his dik pircings, which I have never seen at all,” said Ishimoo, being out of character for comedic effect. 

“Well then Leyonaldo DiKuwater, are you going too show us dat you dont have any?” said Kirigrey.

Leyonaldo didn’t say anyting.

“But how did he dispose of the envidence?” sed Cheerio, still asborbed in Nintendogs. 

“Dats it!” said Nagi, who really doesnt care but wants to gtfo of this dank ass room. ‘When Fuckwa was acting like a little bitch, I found a broken bong in da trash room. Leonaldo must have threw da trash in da incinerator and hit the button wit da bong wit his extremely strong right arm, because Yamdead had da key to da trash room dat the author forgot to mention earlier.”

“Is that like, enough to say he was the muderede?” sed Swimmy Asahna, swinging a pool noodle.

“I mean I think we can agree he is enough of a piece of shit to do it and do any of us wanna be here longer dan we need to be?” said Cheerio, getting salt now. 

“I’m good wit dat,” sed Naegnaeg. “Hey Monokma we wanna vote now.”

Everybooty voted on da iPads and den Monokma laffed. “Dat was literally da shittiest fucken trile ive ever seen but u guys got it right. It was……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….Leonaldo!”

Leonaldo pissed his pantaloons. “Bu-”

“Time to die motherfucker,” sed Monokma, twerking evully.

Execution: Fuckboy Gets Wrecked 

Leonaldo was forced to play the 20 questions game before he got noscoped like 200 times and choked to death with axe cologne. Only one Adidas sandal remained.

Nobody actually gave a fuck tho. 

~~~~~

“Hello? Is anyone dere?” sed Phenix Write, standing outside of Hops Peak Academy. The door was locked. He felt the zetsubou.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey u guys who do you want Nagi to have free time with?


	15. Monokma threater

“So Jaquan asked me out on twitter da other week cause I sent him a vid of me twerking, upupu. It was gud at first, but den I get that lil’ computer bich to hack his account and I find out he fucken another bitch named Michelle like who da fuck do you think I am. I aint gonna be nobodys side ho. So den I decide to get back at him by sexting Tyrone, but den I realize I sent da text to my gramma.”

“What was da point of this? I dont actually remember. Oh, yeah. Dont trust your ho ass friends on insta. Monokma out, fuckers!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I think about the fact I wrote this and cry on the inside


	16. free tim part 3

The kids got a tonna new shit for teh murdrer but Nagi didnt care becuz he has free tim and da author has two less peopl to remember to write fro.

Naggle decided two spend sum quailtea time wit his best frend (not his right hand dis time) Togameme. He gave him sum actually made of shit coffee and dey BONDED.

Dey sat on da roof. Togameme turned to Nagi and a single tear stremed down his fafe.

“Naggle...dere is something I need to tell u. First of all, my name is Broccli Togameme. Second, it has to do wit my past. It all started...at da money convention.”

:”Dat was where I met...Bill-senpai. It was like yaoi at first site (do you get it internet pun) and we spent da con 2gether. But it was all fro nothing.” Togameme looked into Nagi’s eyeballs. Dey were like blue circles wit smaller black circles in dem. 

“At da next money convention, HE was there. We were rivals in rich people middle scool. It was……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..Trump-sama!”

“Trump-sama stole Bill-senpai from me, and I never went back 2 da money convention, becuz now I had no one two cosplay wit. He was gonna be da burgler n I was gonna be da money bag. I cant eat apples anymore becuz dey remind me of all da good times we had 2gether.”

“That’s gr8, Togameme,” sed Nagi. Cheerio gave him da DS and he was too busy playing Nintendogs two pay attention. 

“But dere is one more thing, Nagi. I have a concession to make. I...I…”

“This one is for the boys with the booming system  
Top down, AC with the cooling system  
When he come up in the club, he be blazin' up  
Got stacks on deck like he savin' up

And he ill, he real, he might got a deal  
He pop bottles and he got the right kind of bill  
He cold, he dope, he might sell coke  
He always in the air, but he never fly coach  
He a motherfucking trip, trip, sailor of the ship, ship  
When he make it drip, drip kiss him on the lip, lip  
That's the kind of dude I was lookin' for  
And yes you'll get slapped if you're lookin' hoe

I said, excuse me, you're a hell of a guy  
I mean my, my, my, my you're like pelican fly  
I mean, you're so shy and I'm loving your tie  
You're like slicker than the guy with the thing on his eye, oh  
Yes I did, yes I did, somebody please tell him who the F I is  
I am Nicki Minaj, I mack them dudes up, back coupes up, and chuck the deuce up

[Chorus - Ester Dean & Broccoli Togameme:]  
Boy, you got my heartbeat runnin' away  
Beating like a drum and it's coming your way  
Can't you hear that boom, badoom, boom, boom, badoom, boom, bass?  
You got that super bass  
Boom, badoom, boom, boom, badoom, boom, bass  
Yeah, that's the super bass  
(Boom) [x16]  
(You got that super bass)  
Boom, badoom, boom, boom, badoom, boom, bass  
He got that super bass  
Boom, badoom, boom, boom, badoom, boom, bass  
He got that super bass”

Dey may have gotten sued by Nikki Minaj, but it was worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cheerio also went with Bill to internet school


	17. free tim part 4

Nagi sent Cheerio a message thru da iPad

Nagi: hey churro r u cuming to school tomorow  
Nagi: not like sex cum like school cum  
Cheerio: since when do we go to scool  
Cheerio: we live in a scool  
Cheerio: where a bear tells us 2 kill each other  
Nagi: i miss wen bears only sold u toilet paper  
Nagi: anyway u wanna go to da pool  
Cheerio: sure ;)

Nagi tought about the fact that Churro didnt get noscoped fro going into da bois locker room but was too untalented too notice. Dere was nobody at da pool except for Swimmy Neutron, who lives in da pool. Swimmy Neutron stared. Nagi stuck up his middle finger at her. Fuckin prep. 

“Promis youll be gentle, Nage-kun,” Cheerio blushed. Nagi dont make no promises and he shoved his pool noodle deep into Churro’s innertube. Churro let out a wonton moon, pool noodle flaling n smackin Nagi in da face. Nagi grrred, grasping his floaties. 

“What in the h e double eclair are u two doing wit da pool equipment!?” Swimmy Asahna scremed. Cheerio and Nagi ran out of da pool, still fully clothd like wtf do these two even have swim soots. 

Dey opened one of da supply rum doors but it was Author-chan’s office. Dey opened da door to da locker room but it was a nightclub wit tons of gay japnese swimmy school boys. 

Oh well. Better option.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow oops i forgot this existed
> 
> And that's how Nagi and Cheerio accidentally joined the Iwatobi Swim Club


	18. New motif

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woohoo chapter 2! Thnx so much to my bestie Stephie for helping me edit! xoxoxoxo

“Well guys, I just had a really fucken awkward convo with my grandma, and I gotta get it out of my head, so new motif!” Monokma laughed.

“Can we hurry this up?” asked Nangi. “Me and Cheerio have swim practice. It’s a long story...:”

“Do I look like I give a shit? Anyway, I’ve decided to shut off everyone’s internet access! So suck on that!” Monokma checked his iphone. “Aw fuck, I forgot it affects me too.”

“You know,” sed Kirigrey, “we could have used the internet to call for help.”

Nagi raised his hand. “I used da internet so I could order a pizza with Papa John’s exceptional online ordering service.”

“You guys are all useless fucks,” sed Kirigrey. “And I better get some of that pizza. If only I wasn’t mute so I could taste it..”

“Ey there dudes, no need to be worried about no internet. You take da shrooms and you see everything,” stoner dude laughed. 

“How am I supposed to write about this on my blog? This is unacceptable!” Fuckwa angered. 

“My name is Broccoli Togameme.” Now dat most of the running gags were complete, everybody left, leaving Nagi behind. 

“Looks like its golden sword time,” he sighed. 

“Can I join?” asked Yamdead, whispering sweet lettuce into his earholes.

Nagi scremed.


	19. da locker room

Cheerio went into the boys locker room, wondering why the fuck that furry tool wanted her at this time of night. She had things to do. Like play nintendogs. She WOULD be playin rollercoaster tycoon if a motherfucking bear didnt shut down da internet. 

Mondoon was there with his shakeweights. Thank god he wasnt wearing that damn slightly attractive fursuit. 

Cheerio sweated, but she wasnt a furry. Plz believ.

“So why the fuck did you want me? That stereotypically bland protag could be giving me the succ right now.” Churro was irritate. 

“Ur good with computars, right?” sed Mondoon. “You need to get da interent back. My froot loop fanfiction updated right before it went out and I need it.”

“Im not even gonna ask why you jack to fictonal toucans.” Cheerio thought of toucan sam and blushed. “Look, if i could fix the intrenet, i would have already. Now if u excuUUUUUUuuuse me, princess, i have to feed my tamagochi."

“But Cheerio!” Moondoon complaint. “I have the UNSATIBLE urge to YIFF! AAAAUUUUGHGHHGHGHGHGH”

Mondoon chucked one of da shakeweights. It hit Churro so hard dat she died instant. 

“Cheerio? Are u alive?.....Cheerio? Aw, fuck!”

What was Mondoon supposed to do now? He had da perfect plan! He would put da body in the girls locker room so that dey taught one of da girls did it! It was foolproof!

When he went to pick up da body, he almost tripped over Churro’s boenhr. Dat was a close one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALMOST 2000 HITS?  
> WHERE DID ALL OF YOU COME FROM??  
> HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET IN MY HOUSE???


	20. MERRY CHRISMILK NAGI BROWN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggested music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psIdan9GSRM  
> (warning 4 flashy imag)

“I can’t belieb it’s Christmas everybody!” Nagi shouted.

“Nagi we’ve been through this, I’m Jewish,” said Cheerio wit her dreidel. 

“Me too,” said Monokma. 

“CHRISTMAS IS OVER!” Nagi ran away crying limpid tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW GUYS I CANT BELIEVE IT'S CHRISTMAS HAHAHAHA jk it isnt anymore and author-chan is sad.  
> ANYway.   
> I made this chapter to ask some questions, sorry for no updates recently but author-chan is a compter sciense studnent (im gonna be cheerio sumday) nd has been busy eatin her calculus book and screaming, and she has been working on a cereal DR project (not da killenge skool life) but lets get to the point.  
> QUESTION 1 - would you guis care if i just started posting dingle rhombus 2 and V3 (I found a guy who speaks Japan!) because I have already started writing dr 2 and have lost control of my life.  
> QUESTION 2 - in the future, would you guis like to have suggested music to enhance da reading experience?


	21. RIP Cheerio

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank u for helping me edit Stephie! XOXOXOXOXOXO besties 4 life!

“Nagi, what. The fuck. Are you doing?” Asked Togameme. 

 

Nagi stopped “swimming” on top of the library table. “Swimmy Neutron banned me from the pool, but I need to practice my strokes for swim club.” He thought about how he could get revenge on Swimmy Asahna, but then realized that her character and personality were overshadowed by the extravagant personalities of the other characters in the series, and that she was reduced to swimming, and her giant donuts (her boob donuts). 

 

Nagi almost thought about her donuts, but he is a committed man. He put a ring on that shit. 

 

“Anyway,” Togameme began. “There’s something I need you to see. Come with me.”

 

“Togameme, I think we need to talk,” said Naegnaeg, removing his floaties. “See, things have gotten like, kind of serious with Cheerio. Like, I showed her my Yu-Gi-Oh card collection serious. We can’t like, “come together”, anymore. We need to stop smashin’ and dashin’, ya feel?”

 

“Nagi, that isn’t what I meant-,” but Nagi cut him off by shooshing him and gently fondling his chin. “Look, Togameme. I know there was that one time in the boys locker room. And in the kitchen. And during Leonaldo’s execution. And on this same library table. And that one time in the laundry room when Hagakrey walked in and started watching but we didn’t stop. But Cheerio lent me her copy of Pokemon Red, and like, she’s at least 3 inches bigger. We can’t be in yaois forever.”

 

Togameme shed a single tear, but kept his composure. “Nagi, this is about Cheerio. I would appreciate if you could shut your fucking mouth for two seconds and just follow me.”

 

On the way to the locker rooms, Togameme thought about what Nagi said.  _ What has my life come to? Nagi thought my money was big. Nagi used to lemme smash. But Nagi is smashing Cheerio. Cheerio is a hoe. _

 

When Togameme opened the door, Niggle screamed. It was………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..Churro!

 

Nagi started to cry. “How did this happen? I knew I said that dick was godly, but I didn’t think I was gonna find bae strung up like fucking Jesus!”

 

Before Togameme could say something offensive and/or rude, Ishimaroo showed up at the door. “Jesus jokes are not welcome in a school environmeEEENNTT HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT IS THAT CHEERIO!?” (btw Ishimaroo has his eyebrows back. They have been reunited. Please cry it took me many days to develop this incredible character arc)

 

Monokma’s voice came over the loud speaker. “Haha it’s murdertime bitches! Get ready for the class trile!” (I still can’t spell trile, I don’t have time for Google, please believe)

 

INVESTIGOGOGOGOOGOGOGOGOOOOGOGOGGOGOOG

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my children, sometimes I remember I wrote this and I have returned after college suffering to keep feeding you all garbage.  
> (By the way, I am still working on SDR2. I wanna make it the best it can be, and also, I need to introduce a character at the end of chapter 2 of this before I can post it.)


	22. Da investigogogogogog 2: Cheerio's boenher

“Hey, Nagi?” said Kiriguru, “there’s something we need to discuss.”

 

“I don’t feel like it,” said Nagi. He was crying while putting on black eyeliner. “I’m emo now.”

 

“Naggle this isn’t the time for your bullshit coping methods. We need to figure out the murder. And I think I have an idea.”

 

Kirigrey showed Nagi the prep-ass Hillary Duff poster in the girl’s locker room.

 

“Who the  _ fuck _ put this here?” Nagi screamed. 

 

“And there was a One Direction poster with pepto on it in the boy’s locker room, too.”

 

“It’ll never be the same without Zayn. Why did you leave me?” Ishimaroo whispered, shedding a single tear.

 

“But why would the poster with blood on it be in the other locker room?” Nagi asked. “I thought that people who tried sneaking into the other one would get fuckin’ noscoped.”

 

“Nagi, I have. A very serious question to ask you.” Kirigrey looked into his eyes with so much depressing sorrow. “Did you notice that your girlfriend had a dick? Like shit fam I felt it and that son of a bitch was fucking huge.”

 

“Well, duh!” Naegnaeg said. “Don’t all girls have larger dicks?”

 

“Naggle, some girls  _ do  _ have dicks, but I am going to have to give you a health education, which I will try my best to do because I have mute, which is why I wear these gloves.”

 

Togameme suddenly crabwalked into the room, and Naegnaeg felt his peepee get hard. “Nagi, I have to tell you something important, please follow me.

 

Nagi almost tripped on a bloody shakeweight that looked thoroughly yiffed. 

 

~~~~~

 

“I believe that this murder was caused by a cereal killer named Genocide Sh-Nagi what the fuck are you doing?”

 

Nagi was doing some sick tricks with his fidget spinner. “Dude, look at this shit go! Leonaldo would have loved this! I wish this were a meme before he got killed in the story.”

 

“Anyway, I have a suspish that Fuckawa is Genocide Shoe.”

 

Nagi and Togameme stared at Fuckawa in the hallway as she yelled at a pile of christmas lights.

 

“Uhhhh….are you sure about that?” Nagi asked, spinning his fidget spinner on his ahoge. 

  
“...You’ll see in the class trill.”

 

“DID SOMEBODY SAY CLASS TRILL!?!?!?!?!!?!?!!?!?!!” Mono screamed. “IT’S TIME TO FIGURE OUT WHICH ONE OF YOU FUCKS MURDERED CHEERIO!”

 

(I haven’t had the time to use google to figure out how to spell trill, please believe me)

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHO'S BACK!


End file.
